@KarateDonuts

Me: *pouring beer on the ground*
CW: For your homies?
Me: What? No. This is Coors Light. Nobody should drink this shit.

@KarateDonuts

For years, my wife & I couldn’t have a dog. My doctor said we should stop trying because humans can only make humans.

@KarateDonuts

After 3 days, the dryer should just eject all the shit you left in there so you’re forced to stop using it as another drawer.

@KarateDonuts

McDonald’s is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says “You figure it out.”