Me: *pouring beer on the ground*
CW: For your homies?
Me: What? No. This is Coors Light. Nobody should drink this shit.
For years, my wife & I couldn’t have a dog. My doctor said we should stop trying because humans can only make humans.
After 3 days, the dryer should just eject all the shit you left in there so you’re forced to stop using it as another drawer.
Don’t leave the milk out overnight.
McDonald’s is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says “You figure it out.”