Gave our gerbil a piece of kale from the garden. Now it’s complaining about gluten and begging for its own little pair of Uggs.
*runs in place*
*cracks knuckles*
*stretches neck*
*takes a deep breath**heads toward buffet*
Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Me: *gets on scale*
5yo: Whoa! That’s a lot of points!
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I’m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it’s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I’m still better than you.