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@KenJennings : Hey people who say "they're not wrong!": there is a word for "not wrong."
@KenJennings: *someone at next table says “BFFs”*
ME (peering over back of booth): BFsF.
@KenJennings: The average human now spends 1.5 years of their life waiting for dumb post-credits scenes.
@KenJennings: Thoughts and prayers to everyone in Hawaii who finally came clean w/ a spouse or partner thinking the missile was on its way.
@KenJennings: I can't believe "still uses Winamp" is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.
@KenJennings: I told the kids if they're not good we're flying United this summer.
@KenJennings: Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's "Dinosaurs" were all different species of dinosaur
@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd
@KenJennings: STAR WARS SPOILERS Admiral Ackbar has gained quite a bit of weight and everyone calls him "Admiral Snackbar"
@KenJennings: Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread. They said it was stollen. Folks, they said it was stollen.