Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Kendragarden's best tweets

@Kendragarden : Papa don't preach I'm in trouble deep Papa don't preach I've been losing sleep But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby velociraptor

@Kendragarden: If I'm ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.

@Kendragarden: It's important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I'm having popcorn & wine for dinner.

@Kendragarden: I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!

@Kendragarden: The waitress said they were out of pizza but then much later I saw a pizza come out to another table. (My super villain origin story)

@Kendragarden: Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.

@Kendragarden: Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear.

@Kendragarden: My parents let me watch Grease constantly when I was a kid & then they were all, whoa why is our teenager always super drunk in tight pants?

@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby

@Kendragarden: Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.