Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of KentWGraham's best tweets

@KentWGraham : Aging has caused me to need glasses. Glasses of beer. Glasses of wine. And glasses of bourbon.

@KentWGraham: At work, I secretly make decaf coffee in the regular pot to keep all of my coworkers working at my pace.

@KentWGraham: I pointed out to my wife that she left the front door unlocked last night, and she’s now providing me with a helpful chronological history of every stupid thing I’ve done.

@KentWGraham: I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.

@KentWGraham: I was misbehaving during family game night. So now I'm in Solitaire confinement.

@KentWGraham: My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.

@KentWGraham: I’ve received so many Viagra emails my laptop opened on its own.

@KentWGraham: Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.

@KentWGraham: I got replaced as Romeo in the high school play because the girl playing Juliet kept stabbing herself in Act I.

@KentWGraham: Recruiter (calling me at work): Are you able to talk?

Me: Since the age of two.