@KentWGraham

Thanks to my wife, I now know a car can go 21,462 miles without an oil change before something horrible happens.

@KentWGraham

Untangling Christmas lights is the closest my wife and I have ever gotten to S&M.

@KentWGraham

My kids both made it into college despite the fact I helped them with their math homework.

@KentWGraham

Aging has caused me to need glasses. Glasses of beer. Glasses of wine. And glasses of bourbon.

@KentWGraham

At work, I secretly make decaf coffee in the regular pot to keep all of my coworkers working at my pace.

@KentWGraham

I pointed out to my wife that she left the front door unlocked last night, and she’s now providing me with a helpful chronological history of every stupid thing I’ve done.

@KentWGraham

I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.

@KentWGraham

I was misbehaving during family game night. So now I’m in Solitaire confinement.

@KentWGraham

My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.