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@KentWGraham : Aging has caused me to need glasses. Glasses of beer. Glasses of wine. And glasses of bourbon.
@KentWGraham: At work, I secretly make decaf coffee in the regular pot to keep all of my coworkers working at my pace.
@KentWGraham: I pointed out to my wife that she left the front door unlocked last night, and she’s now providing me with a helpful chronological history of every stupid thing I’ve done.
@KentWGraham: I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.
@KentWGraham: I was misbehaving during family game night. So now I'm in Solitaire confinement.
@KentWGraham: My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.
@KentWGraham: I’ve received so many Viagra emails my laptop opened on its own.
@KentWGraham: Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
@KentWGraham: I got replaced as Romeo in the high school play because the girl playing Juliet kept stabbing herself in Act I.
@KentWGraham: Recruiter (calling me at work): Are you able to talk?
Me: Since the age of two.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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