I rinsed a big spider down my kitchen sink and then I put coffee grounds down. Now I’m worried a caffeine-fueled arachnid is going to leap out and come after me.
I don’t know who named them safety pins, but I’ve been stabbed by them more than any other pin.
For a brief moment, I got excited because I thought my toothpaste said anti-plague instead of anti-plaque.
Do we want 2020 to turn 21 and be able to drink?
If I had to homeschool kids because of the pandemic, recess would be 6 hours long.
I haven’t waited this long for a result since I asked my wife to marry me.
Co-workers. Because why should all your headaches come from family members.
What idiot made dessert forks smaller than dinner forks?
Thanks to my wife, I now know a car can go 21,462 miles without an oil change before something horrible happens.
Untangling Christmas lights is the closest my wife and I have ever gotten to S&M.