How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM?
If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.
When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.
59 days until Christmas. I better start untangling the lights.
I don’t think this bowl of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped.
My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn’t want to tell people I’m Germish.
Get your employees to work harder by “accidentally” leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff.
I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.