Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of KentWGraham's best tweets

@KentWGraham : My wife and I come from very different backgrounds. Her family is French and Irish, and mine is suffocating and unstable.

@KentWGraham: Decaf coffee. For people who really want yellow teeth, but don't want to lie awake at night thinking about it.

@KentWGraham: I have a fairly substantial belly for someone who’s empty inside.

@KentWGraham: What wine goes well with two ungrateful teenagers, an oppressive boss and insurmountable credit card debt?

@KentWGraham: The worst part of a 30-minute workout is the final 29 minutes.

@KentWGraham: Drinking 8 to 12 glasses of water a day is good for you because you spend more time in the bathroom and less time at your job.

@KentWGraham: Be right back. My son who's slitting enemy throats in "Call of Duty" is screaming for me to kill a centipede.

@KentWGraham: I told my son, age 11, to clean his room. He’s 22 now. Will it ever happen?

@KentWGraham: I think college costs are so high because at that point parents are willing to pay anything to get their kids out of the house.

@KentWGraham: Just did the math and found out I can retire next year if I start saving $144,468.02 a month.