Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
I got replaced as Romeo in the high school play because the girl playing Juliet kept stabbing herself in Act I.
Recruiter (calling me at work): Are you able to talk?
Me: Since the age of two.
My wife and I come from very different backgrounds. Her family is French and Irish, and mine is suffocating and unstable.
Decaf coffee. For people who really want yellow teeth, but don’t want to lie awake at night thinking about it.
I have a fairly substantial belly for someone who’s empty inside.
What wine goes well with two ungrateful teenagers, an oppressive boss and insurmountable credit card debt?
The worst part of a 30-minute workout is the final 29 minutes.
Drinking 8 to 12 glasses of water a day is good for you because you spend more time in the bathroom and less time at your job.
Be right back. My son who’s slitting enemy throats in “Call of Duty” is screaming for me to kill a centipede.