@KoKeniSasquatch

My luck can best be described as:
Loses $50 but finds a lighter.

Shit. It’s empty.

@KoKeniSasquatch

I like dogs, but it’s like having a permanent baby.

A cat is like having a permanent teenager.

@KoKeniSasquatch

Day 8 of quitting smoking: I have 376 gallons of blood to donate. Various types. None is mine.

@KoKeniSasquatch

Thanks to this face I’ve been forced to work on my personality and wit for decades.

@KoKeniSasquatch

Teenagers. Can’t live with them. Can’t get rid of them without bringing the cops around.

@KoKeniSasquatch

Dear Grocery store clerk,

What part of me searching madly and paying in nickels & dimes suggests I can donate a dollar to the food bank?