@KrazykurtKurt

Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta.

@KrazykurtKurt

I like to put a banana in a string of hahahahahahahahaha ‘s
No one notices, I dont know why I bother.
hahahabananahahaha

@KrazykurtKurt

Job interview:
“what would you say is your biggest achievement is to date”

“I once wore a hat to bed and it was still on in the morning”

@KrazykurtKurt

When #EgyptAir announced “he’s not a terrorist, just an idiot” My ex wife phoned to see if it was me.

@KrazykurtKurt

Plastic bags biodegrade quicker than my mum getting to the point on the phone.

@KrazykurtKurt

If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you,
you’ll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again

@KrazykurtKurt

I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I’ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.

@KrazykurtKurt

I’m having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write.

@KrazykurtKurt

ME: “I don’t want sex tonight”
GIRLFRIEND: “ok”
Reverse phycology doesn’t work on women.