Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta.
I like to put a banana in a string of hahahahahahahahaha ‘s
No one notices, I dont know why I bother.
“what would you say is your biggest achievement is to date”
“I once wore a hat to bed and it was still on in the morning”
When #EgyptAir announced “he’s not a terrorist, just an idiot” My ex wife phoned to see if it was me.
I said “I’m not going to repeat myself”
Plastic bags biodegrade quicker than my mum getting to the point on the phone.
If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you,
you’ll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again
I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I’ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
I’m having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write.
ME: “I don’t want sex tonight”
Reverse phycology doesn’t work on women.