@LMHPhotog YOU CAN’T BUY HOT POCKETS
YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS
YOU ARE EXPECTED TO SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF
DONT BELIEVE THE LIES.
@LMHPhotog 
@LMHPhotog People think the word “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters.
But those letters are not silent.
They’re just waiting for their turn.
@LMHPhotog paramedic: can you tell me what happened
crash victim: I very briefly had a flying car
@LMHPhotog Whenever people talk about “drug resistant super bugs”, all I can think about is how proud I am of those little guys for having the willpower to stay clean & sober in what must be an incredibly dangerous and stressful environment.
@LMHPhotog My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much.
What a thing to Fallout 4.
@LMHPhotog *picks up beef bouillon
*decides against it
*puts it down
*picks up chicken bouillon
*nods confidently
– stock exchange
@LMHPhotog There are rumours floating around that Canada’s Prime Minister isn’t a nice guy.
They’re not Trudeau.
@LMHPhotog Duckling means “little duck”.
As a result, I no longer eat dumplings.
@LMHPhotog Ancient Man: Out of water. Let’s walk 10,000 miles to a fresh continent.
Modern Man: Fridge is empty. Guess I’ll just die in my kitchen.
@LMHPhotog *bursts into room
Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN
Guys: Yeah sure,show us then!
*holds up single kernel of corn
*gets violently beaten