@LMHPhotog

YOU CAN’T BUY HOT POCKETS

YOU CAN ONLY BUY COLD POCKETS

YOU ARE EXPECTED TO SUPPLY THE HEAT YOURSELF

DONT BELIEVE THE LIES.

@LMHPhotog

People think the word “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters.

But those letters are not silent.

They’re just waiting for their turn.

@LMHPhotog

paramedic: can you tell me what happened

crash victim: I very briefly had a flying car

@LMHPhotog

Whenever people talk about “drug resistant super bugs”, all I can think about is how proud I am of those little guys for having the willpower to stay clean & sober in what must be an incredibly dangerous and stressful environment.

@LMHPhotog

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much.

What a thing to Fallout 4.

@LMHPhotog

*picks up beef bouillon

*decides against it

*puts it down

*picks up chicken bouillon

*nods confidently

– stock exchange

@LMHPhotog

There are rumours floating around that Canada’s Prime Minister isn’t a nice guy.

They’re not Trudeau.

@LMHPhotog

Duckling means “little duck”.

As a result, I no longer eat dumplings.

@LMHPhotog

Ancient Man: Out of water. Let’s walk 10,000 miles to a fresh continent.

Modern Man: Fridge is empty. Guess I’ll just die in my kitchen.

@LMHPhotog

*bursts into room

Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN

Guys: Yeah sure,show us then!

*holds up single kernel of corn

*gets violently beaten