@LOsepyan

We should let prisoners take their own mug shots…I shall call it “The cellfie”

@LOsepyan

If I had a dollar for every time I was wrong, I’d be incredibly broke.

@LOsepyan

Hey baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?-How to pick up Satan

@LOsepyan

When someone says “surprise me”, I immediately drop my pants and start singing its raining men.

@LOsepyan

Yes, your honor, but in my defense I thought he was stung by a jellyfish

@LOsepyan

The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen

@LOsepyan

According to my next door neighbor’s diary I have “boundary issues” can you believe that?

@LOsepyan

I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day

@LOsepyan

If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item.

@LOsepyan

Before Wallmart existed you had to buy a ticket to see the circus.