Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LaLuchaNix's best tweets

@LaLuchaNix : I was killing this rap battle until I said orange.

@LaLuchaNix: [Pulling brother's life support plug]
*whispers in ear*
"This is for that time you cheated at Monopoly."

@LaLuchaNix: My neighbor shouldn't put up a fake graveyard for Halloween if she doesn't want me getting drunk and performing Thriller every night at 2AM.

@LaLuchaNix: My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.

@LaLuchaNix: Son: Mom, can I sleep with you? I'm scared.

Me: No, I can't risk the monster following you into my room and killing me.

@LaLuchaNix: Spent two weeks with my grandmother and now I know why grandpa was a drunk

@LaLuchaNix: I just watched Grease and it makes me sad how kids today are too lazy to buy matching leather jackets and smoke cigarettes.