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Page of Laser_Cat's best tweets

@Laser_Cat : Date: I decided to take a year to backpack across Europe before going back to Harvard Law.

Me: *eating spaghetti through a straw*

@Laser_Cat: "Your barbeque sauce is on my beagle!" "Your beagle is in my barbeque sauce!" *We both grin and put on bibs*

@Laser_Cat: I have a life threatening EpiPen allergy, so I always carry a peanut butter and bees sandwich with me as a precaution.

@Laser_Cat: [1st date]
Would you excuse me for a moment?
*date checks her watch while Im visible through the window playing with dogs across the street*

@Laser_Cat: *performs perfect sleeper hold and drags another mailman into the garage*

...they just keep sending more...

@Laser_Cat: Janice, from HR: Ok, so we're clear. From now on no biting, right?

Me: Yeah, whatever. *adds "influenced policy" to my resume*

@Laser_Cat: The fact that there are space cowboys implies that there are space cows and that's why I haven't slept in 4 days.

@Laser_Cat: "Does anybody in the car have a heart condition?" I ask as I slide my Smash Mouth CD into the radio.

@Laser_Cat: When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.

@Laser_Cat: You can buy live bees. You can have them delivered anywhere you want. It's like $6. The internet doesn't make behaving very easy.