Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of Lazer_Cat_'s best tweets

@Lazer_Cat_ : The Terminator would have been better if they'd cast Jim Parsons. "Bazinga" is so much better than "I'll be back."

@Lazer_Cat_: Independence Day was basically aliens blew shit up and then we gave them a copy of Windows and won the war.

@Lazer_Cat_: *spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*

@Lazer_Cat_: Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking? I can't pair wines like this.

@Lazer_Cat_: These cats just swagged into the room like they had some serious yolo'ing to do.

@Lazer_Cat_: Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.

@Lazer_Cat_: *gives date flowers*

Here. I murdered these plants for you.