baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There’s no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing
My name is Leon but some of you know me by my street name, 9th avenue.
Hey girl are you my golf clubs? Because I tottaly forgot to take you out of my trunk.
I’m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that’s how weather works.
“Two can play at that game”
-guy who’s confused about solitaire.
I always go the extra mile,
which is why my friends don’t let me drive
Cop1:did u hear about the kidnapping?
Cop2: should we go help?
Cop1: No it’s ok he woke up.
This fall on CBS
“Good Cop, Dad Cop”
So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she’s just pregnant.
Hey girl are you a capri sun? Because i want to stab you.
I have been using teeth whitener, and now they are completely oblivious to the experiences and sufferings of other peoples.