Oh, you’re with child? That’s cool. I’m with vodka.
Hey look! They named a candy after you!
*points to Dum Dums*
The doctor said to treat my daughter’s scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it.
Just waiting to hear those three special words… “there’s no evidence.”
Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I’ll look even worse.
fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat…
cat: LOL THAT’S SO YOU!
I know two wrongs don’t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I’m like on 756.
Do you like them? I made them from scratch. Do you want one? – me introducing my kids to strangers.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet so now my cats wear tap shoes.