I accidentally sent my boss a Zoom invite for my job interview. I was bewildered by the “maybe” response.
Me, trying to fit in with friends, who are new parents,
“Wow, your baby does very good babying!”
My cat threw up a hairball on our couch, and my dog cleaned it up. No need for a Dyson anymore.
Fun Fact: Baby powder’s ingredients include baby brothers and sisters who acted up.
I’ve been anticipating all his needs and trying to be more on time with all of his demands. I really hope my cat picks me for employee of the month this time.
I worked as a ticket runner during the Oakland Raiders football season. I’d get a text,
“I’m wearing a silver hat, silver jacket; I’m at the bar.”
It was the most challenging game of “Where’s Waldo?” I ever played.
“Google Earth gives you the freedom to journey across the ocean and take an intimate look at the pyramids.”
*Googles my ex’s house*
Plot twist, I pay you to see my premium creative content?
Do people who eat sushi and sashimi know that fire was discovered?
Buried bones of a famous crime family might be located at an Olive Garden. “When you’re here, you’re family.”