My resume says, “Gimme a job,” and I’ve had four recruiters reach out because I was so direct.
If I yell, “Heads up!” I’m clear of all liability at children’s parties.
I pretend to the cashier lady to have two adorable children whenever I’m buying mom jeans.
Avocado is the roulette game of all the fruits.
This chloroform smells expensiv…
My husband asked me to cut his hair. I think the zigzag designs turned out very well despite his bad attitude.
Quarantine Stories: We’ve got every TV channel available to us, but my husband and I would rather watch a fly meeting its demise, as our kitchen spider who we named, “Brad Pitt,” settles down for a meal.
“It’s because I raised eleven kids in a previous life,” is what I tell people when asked why I don’t have any children.
I confused the spatula with a flyswatter is why that is floating in your soup.
Marriage is like a Rubik’s cube. One person is trying to solve the puzzle and the other one is switching the stickers around to win the game.