@LittleMissAngr1

I literally have no clever commentary. This glorious monstrosity speaks for itself.

@LittleMissAngr1

My neighbour overheard me wish a “long and prosperous life” to the spider I released outside. I’m worried he’ll get the wrong impression that I’m similarly warm-hearted towards people.

@LittleMissAngr1

Them: why are you wearing a cape?

Me: i feel naked without it

Them: you are naked

Me: no, i’m wearing my cape

@LittleMissAngr1

Me: Thanks for agreeing to do this session via Skype

Therapist: Right, are you in a safe place?

Me: *from inside my blanket fort* Yes, very

@LittleMissAngr1

One time I ran into an old friend and she said “omg you haven’t met my baby” and i said “omg I had no idea” and the next day I went to her house with a baby gift and her baby was a goddamn cat.

@LittleMissAngr1

I’m confident, but not ‘say hors d’oeuvres aloud at a fancy restaurant’ confident.

@LittleMissAngr1

Karen: I was so desperate for an answer i even consulted a magic 8-ball!

Me: Cocaine is never the answer, Karen

@LittleMissAngr1

I lost a friend over my bastardization of common idioms, but I think she should just let pylons be pylons.

@LittleMissAngr1

[5 yr old niece watching me exercise]

Niece: why are you doing that?

Me: so I can stay strong and healthy

Niece: *observing me shake, sweat, gasp for air* that does not look healthy