@LittleMissAngr1: [Interrogation]

Bad cop: Let me scare her a bit.

Good cop: Not yet, I think she's going to break.

Britney: My loneliness is killing me.

Good cop: But did you kill him?

Britney: And I, I must confess.

Good cop: Here we go

Britney: I still believe

Bad cop: Jesus Christ

@LittleMissAngr1: Get your flu shot. Get your cold stabbed.

@LittleMissAngr1: I accidentally prayed on people's weaknesses instead of preying on them, and now they just think I'm kind.

@LittleMissAngr1: Him: *recites romantic speech he wrote about his undying love for me*

Priest: And the bride?

Me: *realising my vows weren't supposed to be a list of the shit I won't put up with* um, pass.

@LittleMissAngr1: Me: Why are your eyes closed? I'm trying to talk to you.

9: Because in my mind, a cake is saying it. A red velvet cake.

@LittleMissAngr1: When I'm bored I venmo cash to strangers with messages like "you looked so peaceful while you were sleeping".

@LittleMissAngr1: Friend: Omg, he proposed, we're getting married!

Me: My condolengrats.

@LittleMissAngr1: Me: I'm in a really good mood, what a great time for somebody to ask me for a favour.

Them: Oh, I was hoping you could help me-

Me: *smiling* Absolutely not

Them: But you said it was a good time to ask.

Me: *still smiling* Yeah, look at how unbothered I am.

@LittleMissAngr1: Friend: How come you keep wearing white pants?

Me: Trying to summon my period.