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Page of LittleMissAngr1's best tweets

@LittleMissAngr1 : Me: Yeah, I've been having sex with robots a lot lately to ingratiate myself with them for the inevitable uprising.


Me: Anyway you were saying you bought a high-tech baby monitor you really like.

@LittleMissAngr1: I thought my daughter was coming in for a kiss, but she just wanted to glare at me from point blank range.

@LittleMissAngr1: I met a little girl who told me she fake-sneezes when she wants people to leave her alone and I found myself sitting at her feet and begging for enlightenment.

@LittleMissAngr1: My neighbours complained about me dancing naked in my backyard last night. It's like they don't even know how necromancy works.

@LittleMissAngr1: Him: How many exes do you have?

Me: Dead or alive?

Him: Wait, how many are dead?

Me: Just the bad half.

Him: What?!

Me: Half. Just half.

@LittleMissAngr1: The thing about Stockholm Syndrome is you can't really remember what it's like to not have kids.

@LittleMissAngr1: Me: *dripping in sweat and covered in scratches* You should see the other guy!

[Camera pans slowly to sports bra crumpled on the floor]

@LittleMissAngr1: Me: Can you put your bowl in the sink, please?

10: Why?

Me: Why do you think?

10: Because you're too lazy to do it?

@LittleMissAngr1: Him: Honey, I wrecked the car.

Me: Omg! Did you pick up the food first?