Funny Tweeter

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Page of LittleMissAngr1's best tweets

@LittleMissAngr1 : I used the entire box of tissues to blow my nose at my therapist's office to make a point about her switching to a subpar generic brand and instead of apologizing about the tissues all she could talk about is some idea that I'm passive aggressive.

@LittleMissAngr1: Life as a woman is just adding new body parts to your shaving regimen every year until you die.

@LittleMissAngr1: I can't wink with my right eye. Please stand to the left of me for optimal flirting.

@LittleMissAngr1: I sexually identify as the foot of Cinderella's stepsister when it is being crammed into the glass slipper.

@LittleMissAngr1: Kudos to the cashier who astutely noted that "someone has a cat" while scanning the cat food I was purchasing.

@LittleMissAngr1: [Meeting a cute guy]

Him: Hey, I'm Patrick.

Me: And is there a Ma trick?

@LittleMissAngr1: Cop: Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?

Me: *pointing to my friend* She’s in labour, we need to get to the hospital!

Cop: OMG! Would you like a police escort?

Me: Well, if they make it a quickie and keep the uniform on.

@LittleMissAngr1: Kids are great because they will point out your gray hair and then ask you what's for dinner.

@LittleMissAngr1: Bank Robber: Everybody get down!

Friend: What are you doing?!

Me: *sitting down and pulling a bag of almonds out of my purse* Panic picnic.