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@LittleMissAngr1 : I used the entire box of tissues to blow my nose at my therapist's office to make a point about her switching to a subpar generic brand and instead of apologizing about the tissues all she could talk about is some idea that I'm passive aggressive.
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@LittleMissAngr1: Life as a woman is just adding new body parts to your shaving regimen every year until you die.
@LittleMissAngr1: I can't wink with my right eye. Please stand to the left of me for optimal flirting.
@LittleMissAngr1: You should never laminate your kill list.
@LittleMissAngr1: I sexually identify as the foot of Cinderella's stepsister when it is being crammed into the glass slipper.
@LittleMissAngr1: Kudos to the cashier who astutely noted that "someone has a cat" while scanning the cat food I was purchasing.
@LittleMissAngr1: [Meeting a cute guy]
Him: Hey, I'm Patrick.
Me: And is there a Ma trick?
@LittleMissAngr1: Cop: Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?
Me: *pointing to my friend* She’s in labour, we need to get to the hospital!
Cop: OMG! Would you like a police escort?
Me: Well, if they make it a quickie and keep the uniform on.
@LittleMissAngr1: Kids are great because they will point out your gray hair and then ask you what's for dinner.
@LittleMissAngr1: Bank Robber: Everybody get down!
Friend: What are you doing?!
Me: *sitting down and pulling a bag of almonds out of my purse* Panic picnic.