@LizHackett: Last week, my dog rolled a ball into a sewer drain and it was gone. I just found it on the street. What is the clown-thanking etiquette?

@LizHackett: My husband's on a work Skype, so every few minutes I silently cross the room behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked.

@LizHackett: Nighttime is not for sleeping. It is for eating all the chocolate chips out of trail mix while thinking of every possible outcome for a situation you can't control.

@LizHackett: I want my house to be tidy enough that if someone unexpectedly stops by, it doesn't look like we're seven hours in to battling a bear that broke in.

@LizHackett: Doing a low-budget but equally spiritually fulfilling version of Eat, Pray, Love entitled Gas Station, CVS, Return A Dress To Macy's.

@LizHackett: A sudden wind kicked up leaves and spun the rooftop weathervane, meaning somewhere in town two witches brought the same spinach dip to coven meeting AGAIN.

@LizHackett: Any other ladies having their period during this Friday the 13th Full Moon want to meet up and combine powers? I'll bring a salad.

@LizHackett: 1 am: can't sleep
2 am: can't sleep
3 am: can't sleep
4 am: can't sleep
5 am: can't sleep
5:57 am: falls into a deep and dreamless sleep, sleep like a tomb, cool and silent and--
6 am: ALARM

@LizHackett: Two guys in the airport bar are amazed a margherita pizza has no alcohol in it and they're the reason you can't leave bags unattended.