@LizHackett: How enormous was the spider I just found in my bathtub? It put down its Kindle, grabbed a nearby towel, and muttered, "Does nobody in this house knock?"
@LizHackett: A spider crawling along the wall suddenly fell off and kept crawling on the floor like it wasn't a big deal, so I said out loud, "I saw that."
@LizHackett: I accidentally left an open bag of birdseed on the porch, and word spread that this is the full-size Halloween candy bar house of the squirrel community.
@LizHackett: A kid in the grocery store screamed "I'M COMING FOR YOU, CORNDOGS!" as his dad opened the freezer, and I felt jealous that he has a catchphrase at age 10.
@LizHackett: I'd be fine with a ghost in the house if the object it moved around was the vacuum.
@LizHackett: A pack of coyotes shrieking outside your house at 11:59 PM is slightly less unsettling if you imagine one of them just won a new car.
@LizHackett: Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren't invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.
@LizHackett: No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence "We need to leave in ten minutes."