Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of LizHackett's best tweets

@LizHackett : ME: My dog loves it when I work from home.
DOG [to camera, opening beer]: Between you and me, it's incredibly inconvenient. I had shit planned today.

@LizHackett: The real you is what happens when you walk into a surprise spider web.

@LizHackett: How enormous was the spider I just found in my bathtub? It put down its Kindle, grabbed a nearby towel, and muttered, "Does nobody in this house knock?"

@LizHackett: A spider crawling along the wall suddenly fell off and kept crawling on the floor like it wasn't a big deal, so I said out loud, "I saw that."

@LizHackett: I accidentally left an open bag of birdseed on the porch, and word spread that this is the full-size Halloween candy bar house of the squirrel community.

@LizHackett: A kid in the grocery store screamed "I'M COMING FOR YOU, CORNDOGS!" as his dad opened the freezer, and I felt jealous that he has a catchphrase at age 10.

@LizHackett: I'd be fine with a ghost in the house if the object it moved around was the vacuum.

@LizHackett: A pack of coyotes shrieking outside your house at 11:59 PM is slightly less unsettling if you imagine one of them just won a new car.

@LizHackett: Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren't invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.

@LizHackett: No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence "We need to leave in ten minutes."