someone tried formatting these windows in a Word doc
Bscape Enyone Aan Can Have
my kids just finished a game of monopoly without fighting. they’re playing it wrong.
My 6yo thinks the Starbucks mermaid has two fish tails for her arms and now I can’t unsee it
let’s play a round of hopscotch 𝕆ℝ 𝔻𝕀𝔼
if i’m “mama” and you “just killed a man” i’m sorry but i’m not letting you finish your song we’ve got a body to hide, son
whenever i see a baby, i take its candy. i need the win more than the baby does.
i’ve got a bag of quarters and the afternoon off. 👀
back in the 80’s, we simply didn’t have the dog technology we do today
me: i really like miley cyrus’s new cd
my kids: what’s a cd?
me: *dies of old age*
i order my girl scout cookies from several different girl scouts so nobody has a full count of the boxes i’ve eaten i don’t have time for that negativity it’s cookie season goddammit
As I was being put under for my colonoscopy, I apparently announced to the room, “Y’all are in for a real treat” and then passed out. 😭😭😭
But it’s not the “worst way” either…
Fairy godmother: Remember, at midnight the spell will be broken.
Me in my 30’s: Oh no worries. I’ll be done and at home in my pajamas by 8pm.
FGM: Oh no, my dear, you have until midni—
Me: 8PM.
My 6yo drew a picture of my mom, and I don’t think she’s ever going to babysit ever again😭