From the other room:
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT MISCOMMUNICATION IS?
If you have nothing mean to say, say it in German.
Interviewer: Vader says you aren’t the Jedi you used to be. What do you have to say to that?
Yoda: Ousside Dagobah, cash me.
Teach your kids cursive and they won’t get copied from in school.
Me: I love you, too…umm…
[Wife says her name]
Me: See? After all these years we’re still finishing each other’s sentences.
I once loaded the dishwasher so perfect that
THIS IS HIS WIFE. HE’S LYING TO YOU!
Wife: Is that a pencil in your pocket, or are you just…
Me: It’s a piece of toast.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Me: Gonna go see Gym.
Friend: You mean go to the gym?
Me: No, Gym is Geoff’s brother.
Cheese isn’t just grate, it’s legendairy.