@LosLos__

From the other room:
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT MISCOMMUNICATION IS?

Me: *nods*

@LosLos__

If you have nothing mean to say, say it in German.

@LosLos__

Interviewer: Vader says you aren’t the Jedi you used to be. What do you have to say to that?

Yoda: Ousside Dagobah, cash me.

@LosLos__

Teach your kids cursive and they won’t get copied from in school.

@LosLos__

Me: I love you, too…umm…

[Wife says her name]

Me: See? After all these years we’re still finishing each other’s sentences.

@LosLos__

I once loaded the dishwasher so perfect that

THIS IS HIS WIFE. HE’S LYING TO YOU!

@LosLos__

Wife: Is that a pencil in your pocket, or are you just…

Me: It’s a piece of toast.

@LosLos__

They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.

@LosLos__

Me: Gonna go see Gym.

Friend: You mean go to the gym?

Me: No, Gym is Geoff’s brother.