@Love_bug1016

Me: I hate Asian stereotypes

Also me: *hits a parked car 5 times trying to parallel park for 17 minutes while screaming math obscenities

@Love_bug1016

Don’t tell me you’re into the Halloween spirit unless you go into a haunted house willing to die.

@Love_bug1016

Took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that one Asian who can’t use chopsticks.

@Love_bug1016

[plane about to crash]

him: if there’s anything you want to say to me, now’s the time.

me: I watched all of Stranger Things without you. Good news is I can tell you how it ends before we die.

@Love_bug1016

therapist: next time someone ghosts you what are you going to do?

me: [singing] who you gonna call? ghostbusters

therapist: get out

@Love_bug1016

*seduces you by wearing a sundress

*ruins it by running in flip flops

@Love_bug1016

therapist: and what did we say you should do when you’re feeling upset?

me: order a large pizza and eat it in the shower while thinking of ways to avenge those who hurt me

therapist: no

@Love_bug1016

My toxic trait is working out for twelve minutes, then rewarding myself with chips and salsa, and eating them until I can no longer breathe.

@Love_bug1016

overrated: crying in the shower

underrated: using the shower rack for all the assorted condiments for your shower tacos

@Love_bug1016

In The Little Mermaid, the real reason Ariel wanted human legs was because Eric told her he doesn’t eat sushi.