Society: Just try to fit in.
My grandmother’s name is so Italian you need both hands to pronounce it.
There’s no gangsta way to get out of a hammock.
If you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?
*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*
Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant.
UBER: Sounds better than “Let’s get in this strange man’s car!”
My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
Look on the bright side, your insomnia keeps most of the spiders out of your mouth.
In hell the Mariachi band never leaves your table.