@Lowenaffchen

i’m not surprised they turned on steve bannon… everyone always resents the hottest person in the group of friends

@Lowenaffchen

Katana is Japanese for “sword”. In Japan they have great respect for swords and their moms dont knock them off the wall while vacuuming

@Lowenaffchen

if swimming is really exercise then why dont fish have mega muscles. yeah i thought so. drain the pool so we can skateboard in it

@Lowenaffchen

I used to worry about offending people’s moms on facebook but now they all post memes like “I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children”

@Lowenaffchen

My wife set up a spycam and found out my sons “speech impediment” was from 5 years of me talking to him in Borat voice while she was at work

@Lowenaffchen

*affixes a second leash to a hot babes dog while shes tying her shoe* would you look at that. we have the exact same dog. this is incredible

@Lowenaffchen

Glue a tiny mirror over your driver’s license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead

@Lowenaffchen

Hey girl.. you ready to [loudly toward the door] TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL *roommate sends in R/C truck with a bunch of condoms taped to it*