@Lunatic_times

when the lady in the elevator burst into tears I did the only thing a man could do in the situation. I fell to the floor and played dead.

@Lunatic_times

I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.

@Lunatic_times

It might be a sign you have a drinking problem when the cashier at the liquor store asks if you own a bar.