Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
I just wished a Bride-to-be good luck on her first marriage.
She didn’t seem to appreciate my sincerity.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she’s all like, ‘I’ll never let go’ and then she lets go.
I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn’t recognize Cinderella without her shoe.
My son just hugged me.
Him: You smell good.
Me: Like what?
Him: *sniffs* You smell like love.
Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us.
If I’m ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza.
I think between the two of them, Kim & Kanye had enough money for a box of condoms.