@LuvPug

Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.

@LuvPug

I just wished a Bride-to-be good luck on her first marriage.

She didn’t seem to appreciate my sincerity.

@LuvPug

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

@LuvPug

The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she’s all like, ‘I’ll never let go’ and then she lets go.

@LuvPug

I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn’t recognize Cinderella without her shoe.

@LuvPug

My son just hugged me.

Him: You smell good.
Me: Like what?
Him: *sniffs* You smell like love.
Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us.

@LuvPug

If I’m ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza.

@LuvPug

I think between the two of them, Kim & Kanye had enough money for a box of condoms.