@MCrisis2020

[runs across garage floor in wet flip flops]

– adds stuntman to resume

@MCrisis2020

It’s all fun and games until someone says “eye-talian”

@MCrisis2020

Normalize men wearing sundresses to summer parties so they can comfortably eat more

@MCrisis2020

My wife’s knees are always bruised so our friends think we have a lot of sex, but I’m really just in love with a tripper