[runs across garage floor in wet flip flops]
– adds stuntman to resume
It’s all fun and games until someone says “eye-talian”
Normalize men wearing sundresses to summer parties so they can comfortably eat more
My wife’s knees are always bruised so our friends think we have a lot of sex, but I’m really just in love with a tripper
Them: How’d you hurt yourself?
Me: I’m 43.