Funny Tweeter

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Page of MNateShyamalan's best tweets

@MNateShyamalan : Welcome to your late 20’s, you may choose a hobby from the list below.

1. Do Crossfit
2. Make child

@MNateShyamalan: women’s shower products be like “lock in moisture” and “rejuvenate pores,” while men’s are all “smell like hammer, you idiot”

@MNateShyamalan: harry: finding these “horcruxes” sounds hard

dumbledore: nah. youve destroyed some on accident and one “might” be you

harry: kinda anticlim..wait wh-

dumbledore: theres also 3 legendary items called the deathly hallows

harry: hell ya

dumbledore: one is your blankey

@MNateShyamalan: willy wonka: it’s a factory, accidents happen

me: ok but your employees sang about detail

willy wonka: lol that was sick righ-

me: there was choreography, rhymed

willy wonka:

me: how did- how could they have prepared

@MNateShyamalan: team rocket: that boy’s pikachu is special

meowth: hey

team rocket: we need it

meowth: im literally the only pokemon who can talk

team rocket: that pikachu is so unique no other pokemon will do

Meowth: guys

team rocket: only that pikachu is deserving of love

@MNateShyamalan: lawyer: if you can stay a night in this house, it is yours. but beware there’s a terrible cu-

millennial: holy shit home ownership? im in

ghost: *appearing* prepare to die

millennial: omg even better

@MNateShyamalan: me: so how do you guys get around?

dumbledore: lots of ways. you can take the secret train

me: makes sense

dumbledore: fly a broomstick

me: fun

dumbledore: touch a boot and be sucked spinning through some kind of magic hellscape void

me: huh

dumbledore: bus