@Manali_Shetye5

Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1) Crimes
2) Accidents
3) Marriages
Need I say more?

@Manali_Shetye5

If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in flower shop, you can probably start the conversation with “What did you do?”.

@Manali_Shetye5

Him:The seven dwarves were on a bus, they all started to feel Sleepy. So Sleepy got off.

Me:Oh come on, man! That pun was Dopey!

@Manali_Shetye5

Me: I have to lose weight.

Me: I’m gonna exercise everyday.

Me: I’m gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym.

Me: Is that cake?

@Manali_Shetye5

Mom: can i borrow your laptop?
Me: *deletes history*
Me: *logs out of twitter*
Me: *closes chrome*
Me: *opens internet explorer*
Me: sure

@Manali_Shetye5

{Stalker Diary}
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.