Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
Need I say more?
If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in flower shop, you can probably start the conversation with “What did you do?”.
Him:The seven dwarves were on a bus, they all started to feel Sleepy. So Sleepy got off.
Me:Oh come on, man! That pun was Dopey!
Me: I have to lose weight.
Me: I’m gonna exercise everyday.
Me: I’m gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym.
Me: Is that cake?
Mom: can i borrow your laptop?
Me: *deletes history*
Me: *logs out of twitter*
Me: *closes chrome*
Me: *opens internet explorer*
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.