@Manda_like_wine

My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, “I don’t want Santa to see me when I poo.”

@Manda_like_wine

Whenever you’re having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.

@Manda_like_wine

Always buy ‘hand wash only’ shirts whenever you want to wear something once and then throw it into a ‘hand wash only’ basket for 15 years.

@Manda_like_wine

When Wall-E first came out I was like “‘what a profound statement” and now, a few years older, I’m like “gimme one of those sick chairs.”

@Manda_like_wine

I walked up to my 9yo and said, “How goes it?” He looks up at me and says, “God is history’s greatest serial killer.”

@Manda_like_wine

Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.

@Manda_like_wine

In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread.

@Manda_like_wine

I’m only listening outside the bathroom door to make sure you’re not touching the decorative hand towels.