@MandiAtRandom: "Can you cook dinner tonight?"
Can't. New meds say I can't operate any heavy machinery and that stove doesn't look light
@MandiAtRandom: *takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache
CW: *hands me 5 Advil*
Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do
@MandiAtRandom: I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the "caulk"
@MandiAtRandom: Him: Will you marry me?
Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?
@MandiAtRandom: Don't describe two completely different things as "apples and oranges" they're both fruit
Say something like "elephants and crystal meth"
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@MandiAtRandom: "Never go to bed angry" is some solid advice if you want to stay up until 3am fighting
@MandiAtRandom: Officer: Did u know your back light is out
Me: I don't know if you noticed... I'm inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage