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Page of Marcmywords2's best tweets

@Marcmywords2 : There's 2 types of people in this world, the people that use birth control and the people that step on Legos at 3am.

@Marcmywords2: It's not a real relationship, until you've apologized to a locked bathroom door.

@Marcmywords2: Before Mississippi became a state, people measured time in Massachusettses.

@Marcmywords2: Your bio says you're 29, your selfies suggest you slept with Hemingway.

@Marcmywords2: If your therapist thinks your alien abduction stories make you sound delusional, just wait till they hear about your TC.

@Marcmywords2: Dating is an expensive way to find out you don't like someone.

@Marcmywords2: 72 Hour Deodorant is just another way to say "I haven't bathed in 3 days".

@Marcmywords2: Every piece of cake
Every cookie you take
Every bite of steak
I'll be watching you

Dogs

@Marcmywords2: Once I was napping & 5yo daughter
dropped her Barbie Car on my face,
she explained it tho, she said
"sorry dad, I thought you were asleep".

@Marcmywords2: It's been 536 days, 5hrs 16min since I've spoken to my ex, so clearly I've moved on.