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@MarfSalvador : me: stop calling me names!
bully: shut up names
@MarfSalvador: me: babe, i think we're ready to take this to the next level. here's a key, i want you to move in
her: it says volvo on it
@MarfSalvador: interviewer: please, sit down
me: thank you
interviewer: not on my lap
@MarfSalvador: [boarding a plane]
me: I'm nervous
steward: oh why?
me: *leans in for kiss*
@MarfSalvador: [desert island]
me: a boat!
me: *writing* day 287, she's still afraid of boats
@MarfSalvador: him: *dying* avenge me
widow: ok who put him in the thor costume
@MarfSalvador: [repeatedly mashing elevator button]
him: you know that doesn't make it come any quicker
[starts licking elevator button]
@MarfSalvador: me: *smoking a pipe* I remember when all this was fields
farmer: wtf have you done?!
@MarfSalvador: [Outside court]
Reporter: How does it feel now you've cleared your name?
@MarfSalvador: wife: tell me her name
wife: TELL ME HER NAME
wife: and where did you get a seal anyway