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@MarfSalvador : [desert island]
me: a boat!
me: *writing* day 287, she's still afraid of boats
@MarfSalvador: him: *dying* avenge me
widow: ok who put him in the thor costume
@MarfSalvador: [repeatedly mashing elevator button]
him: you know that doesn't make it come any quicker
[starts licking elevator button]
@MarfSalvador: me: *smoking a pipe* I remember when all this was fields
farmer: wtf have you done?!
@MarfSalvador: [Outside court]
Reporter: How does it feel now you've cleared your name?
@MarfSalvador: wife: tell me her name
wife: TELL ME HER NAME
wife: and where did you get a seal anyway
@MarfSalvador: date: I like it when guys know what they want in life
me: *megaphone right in her face* ham
@MarfSalvador: contortionist: what's wrong?
proctologist: your head's in the way
@MarfSalvador: [on my deathbed]
me: make sure the kids remember their dear ol' dad
wife: dave isn't old
@MarfSalvador: [sees hot girl in bar]
me: [takes wedding ring off] so... do you come here often?
her: give me back my ring