@MarieColette

If anyone’s looking to join a pyramid scheme, hit me up and I’ll connect you with all the girls I went to high school with via facebook.

@MarieColette

I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.

@MarieColette

I don’t watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered.

@MarieColette

Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can’t chase you because they’re holding scissors. The perfect crime.