Funny Tweeter

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Page of Marlebean's best tweets

@Marlebean : I'm young, but not "know exactly why I came into this room" young.

@Marlebean: Kids whispering in other room: "Hey do you dare me to..."

Me: NO!

@Marlebean: My husband told me I cheated on him in his dream.
The best response was not "Was he hot?”
I know this now.

@Marlebean: Hi, my name is Marlene
[Group in unison]: Hi Marlene
Sometimes I pee when I sneeze.
[Group]: ...
Me: uh doesn't AA mean 'awkward accidents'?

@Marlebean: Once a year, I put 16 spiders in my husband's mouth while he sleeps bc
-Let's get this over with
-He can eat mine
-I really miss Fear Factor

@Marlebean: My phone autocorrected "gym" to "fun" so I threw it in the trash bc it's obviously broken.

@Marlebean: I failed at chemistry in high school...

And finally started dating in college.

@Marlebean: Sorry I dressed up your babies for a cowboys and Indians reenactment.
It was super cute until the smallpox incident.

@Marlebean: It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.
It had mixed feelings about the times.