To my friends: You smile, I smile, you hurt, I hurt, you cry, I cry, you jump off a bridge. I’m gonna miss your e-mails.
If you need anything done now do it yourself, if you want it done right call a pro and if you don’t care if it ever gets done, ask your kid.
Taught my kids to always let a strange dog smell their hand before petting them to see if it was friendly. Should have taught them to do the same with people.
When a really horrible person dies I always like to think of it as them being recalled.
I’m becoming psychic. Looking at a dusty exercise machine and I see a yard sale in its near future.
Reached a point in my life that I have no ‘bones to pick’ nor ‘axes to grind’. Most would call it forgiveness, I call it memory loss and it’s peaceful.
Red meat isn’t bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is what you want to avoid.
‘Leave no stone unturned’ is good advice if you’re looking for something that crawls out from under rocks.
You can lose a lot on a no carb, no sugar diet. I tried it and immediately lost my will to live.
Kids are easy to care for until they learn to roll over. After that you’re never
sure what they’re up to for the rest of their lives.