Funny Tweeter

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Page of Maxine12333's best tweets

@Maxine12333 : Taught my kids to always let a strange dog smell their hand before petting them to see if it was friendly.  Should have taught them to do the same with people.

@Maxine12333: When a really horrible person dies I always like to think of it as them being recalled.

@Maxine12333: I'm becoming psychic. Looking at a dusty exercise machine and I see a yard sale in its near future.

@Maxine12333: Reached a point in my life that I have no 'bones to pick' nor 'axes to grind'. Most would call it forgiveness, I call it memory loss and it's peaceful.

@Maxine12333: Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is what you want to avoid.

@Maxine12333: 'Leave no stone unturned' is good advice if you're looking for something that crawls out from under rocks.

@Maxine12333: You can lose a lot on a no carb, no sugar diet.  I tried it and immediately lost my will to live.

@Maxine12333: Kids are easy to care for until they learn to roll over. After that you're never
sure what they're up to for the rest of their lives.

@Maxine12333: If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.

@Maxine12333: Friend gave me a 'stress' ball to squeeze when I'm tense. Did what I always do when nervous, I ate it.