I like holding doors open for people who aren’t close and watch them do that stupid power walk.
Why do people put ice cream in a bowl when it already comes in one?
I just managed to eat a bag of chips without waking the dog like some kinda ninja.
Subway is great if you want to eat 12 meatballs in bread and pretend it’s healthy.
If you see me online 30mins after I said I was going to bed, mind ya business.
My current diet is similar to a 9yr old who just found $20.
Calm down car stereo volume I’m not the same person I was yesterday.
Me: A cool person followed me I better step up my tweets.
5 mins later: Can you die from eating the sticker off an apple?
According to this tray of lasagne, I’m a family of 4.
Does anyone know the cheat code to set life to easy mode?