Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@McNevich : The only way I'm listening to a voicemail is if I think the pizza guy is lost
@McNevich: Sometimes I'll flush a few slices of pizza down the toilet just to let the Ninja Turtles know I miss them
@McNevich: Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman
@McNevich: If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper
@McNevich: Had pumpkin flavored coffee this morning and immediately signed up for a Zumba class and kidnapped 2 kids and drove them to a soccer field
@McNevich: Accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math
@McNevich: Nice try, people that invite me to things that aren't in my house
@McNevich: Hey can I call you back in like 6 weeks?
@McNevich: I send thank you cards to people that don't invite me to their weddings
@McNevich: Facebook game requests are the Jehovah's Witnesses of the Internet
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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