@MensHumor

You can tell by a woman’s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.

@MensHumor

Having a tan is attractive. Having skin sponsored by Doritos isn’t.

@MensHumor

I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.

@MensHumor

Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours.

@MensHumor

Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.

@MensHumor

Your swag is gonna look amazing on that Burger King application.

@MensHumor

“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” -Losers

@MensHumor

Obviously you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the meaning of ignorance!