@Merman_Melville

Why doesn’t anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don’t have it

@Merman_Melville

Me: I need a raise
Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles

@Merman_Melville

Apple watch, loudly: “It is time for you to poop”
Me: “A-as I was saying, our investors h-”
Watch, louder: “It is your optimal poop time”

@Merman_Melville

I’m a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog “The War Atrocity Babe”