Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of Metalligretch's best tweets

@Metalligretch : Saw a kid in a stroller with an iced coffee. I gave him my resume.

@Metalligretch: I'm working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.

@Metalligretch: I should probably just learn a skill instead of waiting around for a malevolent spirit to take over my consciousness or whatever.

@Metalligretch: At a secluded mountaintop convent, I would be the third nun to go insane.

@Metalligretch: Yelling "wooooo" when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.

@Metalligretch: I've discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.

@Metalligretch: With my luck, I'll die and get reincarnated as myself.