I think it’s nice when bank robbers carpool.
Saw a kid in a stroller with an iced coffee. I gave him my resume.
I’m working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.
I should probably just learn a skill instead of waiting around for a malevolent spirit to take over my consciousness or whatever.
At a secluded mountaintop convent, I would be the third nun to go insane.
Yelling “wooooo” when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I’ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
People keep mistaking my “wow”s for compliments.