@MiddleageM

Waits for the worst possible time to tell you that they have to pee…

~Kids

@MiddleageM

This lady just licked her finger and wiped her daughters face…

<–Hands her some Listerine and gets in line to be cleaned

@MiddleageM

Heard my mom tell my dad to “stop tossing her salad” at the dinner table and now I can’t look at either one of them without laughing…

@MiddleageM

Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet

@MiddleageM

Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs…

@MiddleageM

Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time…
Me:It’s amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you…

@MiddleageM

My husband fell asleep while watching Memento…was shocked to find “remember to NOT trust your wife” written on his forehead with a Sharpie