Funny Tweeter

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Page of MiddleageM's best tweets

@MiddleageM : Waits for the worst possible time to tell you that they have to pee...

~Kids

@MiddleageM: This lady just licked her finger and wiped her daughters face...

<--Hands her some Listerine and gets in line to be cleaned

@MiddleageM: Heard my mom tell my dad to "stop tossing her salad" at the dinner table and now I can't look at either one of them without laughing...

@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet

@MiddleageM: Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs...

@MiddleageM: Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time...
Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you...

@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie