My mama didn’t raise no fool.
Instead I was raised by a pack of idiot wolves.
Describing dead people as late feels unfair. Rigor mortis makes it difficult to be on time.
When I’m older my plan is to mostly talk gibberish then very occasionally turn to a grandchild and say
‘Of course the money is all in that account in Switzerland’.And then start talking gibberish again.
My ex-girlfriend was an exhibitionist although she preferred the term ‘curator of an art gallery’.
Satan’s first act in the bible was to suggest that people eat more fruit.
No wonder we all hate him.
The great thing about roadkill is you can teach your kid about wildlife and road safety simultaneously
So you’re meant to master things after 10000 hrs of practice and I’ve spent at least that amount of time eating
But I still bite the inside of my mouth