@MikeDrucker: GAME TRAILER: “Enter a world beyond belief...”
GAME TRAILER: “An adventure like never before...”
GAME TRAILER: “Join your friends online”
ME: “I’m out”
@MikeDrucker: I’m so tired of being jealous of my friends’ successes. It’s unhealthy and only hurts me. From now on, I’m going to focus on what’s really important: enjoying my friends’ failures.
@MikeDrucker: 2017: It can’t get worse than this
DAY ONE, 2018: A YouTube star filmed a dead body for entertainment
@MikeDrucker: My mom still hasn’t used the roomba I bought her two years ago for Christmas because, quote, “I don’t want it to judge our house.”
@MikeDrucker: TWITTER USERS: It would be nice if you stopped people making death threats.
TWITTER: OK, but what if those death threats could be LONGER?
@MikeDrucker: I don't understand why everyone is so passionate about sports; it's all just bullsh - HEY! YOU! NO! DARTH VADER DOES NOT HAVE A GREEN SABER!
@MikeDrucker: Stop saying "11/11/11" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works.