At dinner my husband hollered, “I’m going to run off to a place where I’m appreciated!”
My daughter: Don’t take my Barbie backpack.
My son: Can someone pass the butter?
My mother: You married her.
Dr. to my 9 yr old son: So you’ll pee in this cup…
*9 starts giggling
9: We’re not allowed to say ‘pee.’
Me,rubbing my temples: We say ‘tinkle.’
Me: YES EVEN THE ADULTS
Kids: Mom told us about the elf.
Husband: She did? She told you that…
Kids: He has COVID.
6: And he’s on a bendilator.
6: Mommy, when will I be in 100th grade?
Me: Don’t worry about it, dear. Your father and I are hoping you make it to 10th.
I read an article that began “During the pandemic, with the implementation of distance learning…” and was surprised it didn’t end “came an uptick in nervous breakdowns of parents everywhere.”
My son is practicing his French horn and I love the arts, I was so excited for my kids to love them, but wow he’s pretty bad.
My husband fills the Halloween candy bowl early, expecting I’ll have no willpower and eat it all within 4 days, but joke’s on him this year: I haven’t touched it, I keep 2 bags of candy in my night stand.
My 9 year old went to bed annoyed with me because he said there’s a glacier in Venezuela and I laughed, said ok buddy are there polar bears too do they have a white Christmas get some sleep.
Just so you know, the glacier’s name is Humboldt.
My childhood music teacher posted on FB that she’d become a grandmother. I excitedly wrote “You were pregnant with your daughter when I was in Kindergarten now she’s a mom & I even remember you named her Beth Ann I loved Washington School!” & now I know why people avoid FB.
6, pointing at her brother, crying:
He doesn’t want to play Barbies with me!
Me: None of us do.