@MissNaughty1801: *on the phone
Him: where are you?!
Me: I'm just waiting for the train
Him: hurry up
Me:...no problem. I'll be waiting faster

@MissNaughty1801: 7y: mummy, how long have you been married to daddy?
Me: 7 years
7y: how long have you got left?

@MissNaughty1801: I feel that it's time to pick the kids up from school..so I'm going to lie down here for a while and wait for that feeling to pass

@MissNaughty1801: ...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy?
5y: mummy
...: why?
5y: mummy talks more

@MissNaughty1801: I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all

@MissNaughty1801: Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!!

Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago

@MissNaughty1801: My mother in law:did you put the weight on?
Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you

@MissNaughty1801: My kids had head lice once so please don't tell me about your home invasion...

@MissNaughty1801: The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents