@MissNaughty1801

CW:where are you going?
Me:trying to prevent an awkward conversation between two people
CW:who?
Me:me and you

@MissNaughty1801

8y:thank you for the present
grandma

….: no need..

8y: that’s what I thought too but mum said I have to

@MissNaughty1801

I imagine some people are like…: ‘should I take the shower?…no…I’m taking the train today…’

@MissNaughty1801

CW:my husband doesn’t understand me at all. What about yours?
Me:I wouldn’t know… I don’t talk to him about you…

@MissNaughty1801

Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage

Me: for the last 7 years

@MissNaughty1801

7y:why are you putting make up on?
Me:to look nicer
7y:when does it start working?

@MissNaughty1801

*approaches man sitting at the bar
Me: would you like to dance
Him: yeah!
Me: that’s great because I need to sit down

@MissNaughty1801

Boss:I need you to do something for me…
Me:what?
Boss:go on the jobcentre website and look for another job

@MissNaughty1801

Me:what did daddy say when he broke his phone?
7y:can I repeat swear words?
Me: no
7y: he said nothing then